I’ve been dreaming about you for nights. And I still don’t know exactly why. My mind may have already forgotten all the tiny details — your scent, your dress, and the places we’ve been to in my sleep — but the sensation is still fresh. I can still feel your warm embrace; an embrace I never felt in years. And you were there staring at me, holding my hands as the tight as the bond between us.
I had the best nights of my life.
Those were the best nights of my life.
I have not waited for him and thought to overthink. I did not hope with much effort and wish to the genie, because I always knew- it hasn’t been strong; the feeling. To find someone– you would never imagine.
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I met him by distance and by fate. Together, I am kind of naive-kid back then yet hasn’t taught by experience. On our awkward stage, love what has bound us. Yes, until I get there. I get to be in love, to be surprised, to be happy, to be sad, to be in pain and cried and everything melodramatic. Even got to the point I regret everything about you… about US. You became my world. But what’s more special than to be learned through those episodes I have been in and got through even just little by little. I become matured, enlightened, and most especially I am now enthusiastic and into my passion. I found out who I am now. Probably, he sent me you for a reason — hereafter, I am realizing it.
Maybe I don’t know you at all, maybe everything happens for a cost and I know it will pay me off. Maybe I have no idea what’s really up to everything, maybe I don’t have the word and never speak towards you, maybe I had to love you and leave you, maybe this fate brought for us — because what is ahead of me is really what life has to offer and you… you were there to give me a helpful hand.
This is for you. For you, who loved so much, who loved with all your heart. This is for you. For you, who risked everything, who gave everything even though you have nothing else left for yourself. This is for you. For you, who had your heart broken. For you, who still loves and who still hopes even with your broken heart.
There are many things I want to tell you. Things you know, but you’re having a hard time to accept.
First of all, know that you have not committed any mistake. Loving someone, no matter how painful it is, will never be a mistake. It might be depressing and crazy, but it’s not wrong. You just loved.
You are more than enough. You do not lack anything. You do not need to be smarter, stronger, sexier, better to prove that you are worthy to be loved. You are thinking that maybe, if you have changed some parts of yourself, he will love you back. No, he will never love you back. Love means acceptance and if he can’t accept you for who you are now, he will never be able to accept whoever you will become.
You are not an option. You are not number two. You are not a part of any collection. You are not a game that he will just play whenever he is bored. You are a prized possession. A diamond in the wilderness, water in the dessert. Never let anyone minimize your value.
Do not discount your feelings. It doesn’t matter whether you and the person who broke heart had a relationship before, or he was just your friend whom you liked. It doesn’t matter whether there is something between you and that person. You loved him. He did not love you back. You feel pain and that pain you are feeling now is, and will always be, valid.
Love is in the little things.
Love is in the shortest greeting
that I tell her every morning,
And in the longest ones
when it’s time to sleep.
Love is in the smallest pieces of paper
where I write the reasons I love her.