To My Greatest Love

To my greatest love,

This is the very last letter that I am writing for you. I know that I have already said that, but you see, this time, it will be true. At long last, without any hesitation, with all of my heart, I can hold these words and stand true to them. Indeed, this is the last letter that I am writing for you.

What we had was unforgettable, insurmountable, and irreplaceable, not because it was a garden full of butterflies, but because it was hell and heaven combined. I will always remember you, not because you touched me, kissed me, or loved me, but because you never did. I gave you all of me, every inch and piece of me, but you took a grip of what I handed, then trampled it, sending it down to the path of unrequited feelings.

But, I could not blame you. I will never blame you. You, not being able to love me, was not your fault. It is mine. It would always be mine. It was I that, despite all the absurdity and impossibility, still believed that we could happen, that we have a chance. I was not blind, or stupid, but I allowed myself to be those things if only they could lead me closer to you.

I don’t think that you can actually fathom how much I loved you. I loved you much more than my heart can. I loved you with all that I am, and sometimes, with all that I am not. I loved you with so much fervor and intensity, that it scared even myself. I loved you not to the moon and back, but to the entire universe. I loved you with all my broken and messed up parts. I loved you even when I can’t, especially when I can’t.

And though you never returned even a little portion of that love, I will still be grateful to you.

They say that the most important things that we learn about love come from those who never truly loved us, and I can’t help but agree. You have taught me so much, without you even realizing it. I never knew that I am capable of loving anyone the way I loved you. I have always been guarded, protected by walls that have been strongly built through the years, but with only that smile of yours, those walls came crashing down.  You made me discover a part of myself that I never knew was there. You made me realize that in love, there must be no standards, basis or precautions. As long as you’re not destroying other people’s relationships, you must not be afraid to open your heart and make it beat for someone else. You made me braver, more courageous.

The only wrong thing that happened during the span of time that I was loving you is that I became selfish. Being able to love you so much did not become enough. I was so selfish that I asked, and hoped for you to love me back. And when you didn’t, it destroyed me.

It shattered me like glass, to the point that I picked up the shards, not to bring them back together, but to slash them over my flesh, and feel the blood drip. It damaged me, to the point that I stood up, tears streaming down my face, not to continue and take a chance at love once more, but to again, put up my walls, and make them higher than before.

I am so sorry for being that way. Now, my eyes have been opened and it is a much brighter day.

You are such a beautiful person. You are, and you will forever be the most beautiful person I have ever known. I am so lucky that you have been the foundation of my learnings in love. If I did not meet and love you, I will not be better at loving others, as well as myself. If I did not meet and love you, I will not be more mature in the matters of the heart.

My wishes for you still remain. I hope you find the happiness that you truly deserve. I hope you find someone who will accept and treasure you the way I did. I hope he realizes how blessed he is to have you. One day, I hope to see you with the love you’ve long been looking for.

I used to think that you are my greatest love. I was mistaken. You are not my greatest love. You are only my greatest lesson in love.

Thank you for being my greatest lesson in love.

From,

The one who loved you


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